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“Don’t hug your child too much because you’ll spoil him!” What a familiar phrase when “advising” new parents by family and friends… But is it correct? Does it really help in raising our children or is it a wound to their mental world?

Let’s start the answer with an understanding of Epigenetics, that is, the influence of external factors on the expression of our genes, which, as has been scientifically proven in recent years, has extremely positive effects on people’s lives and health.

It is now known that the first years of our lives are an important period for the “expression” of our genes, which will follow us for our entire lives. The positive effect of hugging on their “expression” is of great importance, as it seems to regulate the body’s response to stress hormones. Birth is an intensely stressful process for the fetus, which is separated from the safe, welcoming and familiar environment of the womb and is called upon to face a new, unknown world. From the first minute of birth, it is very important that the baby is placed in its mother’s arms and comes into skin-to-skin contact with her. All a full-term, healthy newborn needs is its mother’s embrace. However, even in newborns hospitalized in intensive care units, hugging and physical contact leads to an improvement in their vital signs.

The contribution of hugging does not, of course, end in the first days of life. On the contrary, it begins then. Throughout infancy and childhood, hugging acts as an inhibitor of cortisol secretion, helping children avoid stress. Studies also show that it has positive effects on the immune system. In addition, hugging increases the hormone oxytocin and stimulates the secretion of endorphins from the body.

For the relationship between parent and child, hugging is an excellent form of non-verbal communication, experienced sensory, which strengthens their bond. It is necessary because it establishes the first healthy sense of self in the newborn and then in the infant. Through hugging, the child internalizes the sense of protection and love. A hug builds self-esteem, because self-esteem and confidence in our existence are built through the fulfillment of our psychological needs, the recognition of emotions and the sense of connection with the basic figures of our life, our parents.

Therefore, never deny your child a hug or do not set limits on hugs. Children are not spoiled by hugs, on the contrary, they enjoy a feeling of security, certainty and protection and receive a “natural stress reliever”.

According to a well-known saying in psychotherapy, “We need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to maintain ourselves and 12 to develop”.